Edibility, Drinkability, and Chewability
by foxtrot852
Summary: This is the short story of an argument between Legolas and Gimli about whether water is considered edible, drinkable, or chewable. LabyrinthXover in that Jareth shows up for a few paragraphs, but requires no knowledge of Labyrinth. AU


Edibility, Drinkability, and Chewability - by Foxtrot852

Disclaimer: Foxtrot: "I am the great Tolkien! I own Lord of the Rings and Jareth! Mwahahahaha!" Nameless Muse: "Foxtrot, wake up!" shakes Foxtrot Foxtrot: "Wha?" Nameless Muse: "You were dreaming." Foxtrot: "It was a good dream! Why'd you have to go and wake me up?" grumbles and pulls cover over her head. Nameless Muse: sighs "So immature. Anyway, as you can see, Foxtrot is only Tolkien in her dreams, so she doesn't own any of this."

A/N: Foxtrot: "This is based off a conversation I had with my grandpa about water. Legolas takes my place, and Gimli takes my grandpa's place. I almost had it switched around, but I thought it would be better this way. The Labyrinth part just suddenly popped into my head while writing this. That part is not based on truth. If Jareth did appear, I'd jump him and beg him to take me to his castle. Sadly, that will likely never happen. This is totally AU, as well. Okay, A/N over. On with the story!"

"Well, at least the water is still edible," grumbled Gimli as he took a small drink from his water-skin as they made camp in the middle of a desolate Moria. Dust had infested all their food, but had yet to touch the water supply.

Gimli's comment made Legolas turn to him, one elegant eyebrow arched in amusement. "Does the dwarf mean to say that he thinks someone can eat water?" he asked no one in particular. "No, prince-ling, I do not think that. I think someone, myself included, can drink water!" Gimli snapped.

"Then why, pray tell, did you just say water is edible? Don't you mean drinkable?" Legolas asked. "No, I mean edible," Gimli growled. He was already on edge, and the "prince-ling" had been, is, and probably always will be, (at least in his opinion) way too happy about the whole quest.

"But, my dear dwarf, the word edible implies that something is eatable," Legolas responded. "No, edible implies that something will not kill you if ingested!" Gimli said. "Only if that something is chewable, is it considered edible. You cannot chew water," Legolas said, smartly. His head was held high and he was sure he'd won the argument.

"Actually, prince-ling, water can be considered chewable when it is frozen. We call that ice," Gimli responded. "Yes, water in that form is considered edible because it can be chewed!" Legolas said. "This water that we have is considered edible too!" Gimli said, really beginning to lose his temper.

Legolas, also quickly growing frustrated, responded, "no! It's considered chewable!" Everyone who had been listening in to the conversation mouthed, "chewable?" at each other, and Gimli paused with his retort.

Then, Gimli burst out laughing. "Drinkable! I meant drinkable!" Legolas said, a blush spreading. Lucky for him, it was dark, so no one could see his face rapidly going red. "Well, if it's chewable, then it must be edible, so you just admitted I'm right!" Gimli said, calming.

"That isn't what I meant, though, and you know it!" Legolas said, angrily. Gimli grinned, trying not to laugh. "I wish the Goblin King was here to beat some sense into you," Legolas muttered, meaning the ruler of the goblins (orcs) in Moria. "If he was here, he'd agree with me!" Gimli said.

Suddenly, there was a flash of glitter, and a male person was standing in front of the two. He was dressed in clothes fit for royalty, and had long blond hair that was very fluffy. His eyes were mismatched, and his canine teeth were sharper than is normal for a human or elf.

"I am the Goblin King Jareth!" he proclaimed. "And I say what's said is said! You, Legolas said that water is chewable, and that, if something is chewable, then it is edible! And so, even though water is not edible in my opinion, you have just admitted it is! Therefore, I proclaim you, Gimli, as winner of this pointless argument! Now, Sarah is calling me again, so I have to go! Good-bye all!" Jareth said, then disappeared in yet another flash of glitter.

Glancing at each other, Legolas and Gimli shrugged. Then, "he said I won!" Gimli exclaimed. "Only because my tongue slipped. But, by his own admittance, I'm the one who's really right!" Legolas said. "But I won the argument!" Gimli said. "That means nothing!" Legolas responded.

"The winner is right!" Gimli said.

"Actually, I think that person's visit was just as pointless as the whole argument, and I really wish they'd be quiet," Aragorn muttered to Gandalf, who nodded and stood up. "Legolas and Gimli! Gimli and Legolas! Listen up! That Jareth said your argument is pointless, and I agree! So, be silent! It is a tie! Neither of you won! And do not bring up the subject of the edibility, drinkability, or chewability of water again! EVER! Is that understood?" Gandalf said. "Yes sir," Legolas and Gimli said in unison, hanging their heads.

And, because the pointless argument was finally resolved, the rest of the Fellowship clapped. Suddenly Jareth reappeared, so he and Gandalf went up to Legolas and Gimli. The four joined hands and bowed as the Fellowship continued clapping. Then, after the bowing ended, and the clapping died out, Jareth disappeared, Gandalf went back to his makeshift bed, and Legolas and Gimli went their separate ways for the night.

The End

A/N#2: Nameless Muse: "By the way, Foxtrot, even if you really were Tolkien, you still wouldn't own Jareth." Foxtrot: "So my dreams are totally AU?" Nameless Muse: confused "Aren't all dreams totally AU? You know what? Don't answer that Foxtrot. Just, never mind. But, you readers can answer that in your reviews! But, more importantly, you can give us feedback on the completely pointless story!" Foxtrot: "In other words, pretty please with all your favorite toppings on it, review!"


End file.
